The future is bleak.

Being deep because...well, inspiration strikes randomly; which I find to be a very exciting and frustrating at the same thing.

I've been working a pretty good amount lately. 35 (give or take) hours a week, add another 5 or so that I 'donate' and possibly another hour for the time on my day off I spend going over there for whatever the reason that might be. So, I'm full time and working my ass off the same or more hours that your average American adult puts in. ...While earning less than 1/4 of what 'they' make. No, I'm not about to bitch about wages because although I'm exhausted mentally and physically after a 6-10 hour shift I don't do the same kind of work my mother does every Monday through Thursday. The pay scale has, generally speaking, been predetermined in America for every type of job.

Mmkay, now for something that has everything and nothing to do with work. My time off. On a good week I'll get two days of rest, which aren't normally together, but rather split by a single useless low-paying day. Obviously I find that a little annoying, and I hate the fact that some aspect of Steak n Shake is ALWAYS on my mind. So where is the freedom? What am I earning $13 or so an hour for? I spend money left and right, on pizza, Netflix movie subscriptions, stuff for Elijah (my car), my Xbox, new TVs, my animals, ect. I virtually save nothing, and when I do my life falls apart and every damn thing goes wrong so I spend it on multiple little emergencies of mine. Where the hell is my future?

I'm not going to stick with Steak n Shake for five more years and be a manager or some shit. I'm definitely not going off to some serious college, and if I do some small certification stuff and spend a couple thousand on that will it even move me forward at all toward a future career? Right now I'm too fucking scared to send a check to any kind type of school because from where I'm at now I can't predict the future in the slightest. I can't picture myself doing anything, at all. Maybe its because I just don't know about the photography career field enough to know what type of job I'll end up getting; or because I can't see myself being a full time photographer at all. Whatever the situation is I'm scared. Scared I'll get stuck making an insufficient amount of money to ever initiate some kind of lift off, or that I'll do some bum job that I'll hate. How am I supposed to know? This freedom has become a frightening thing. EVERYTHING is up to me, EVERYTHING is dependent on what I choose. I just hope that I throw myself out on a limb sometime soon and invest some money into my future, so by the time I'm 20 I'll have some idea of what I'll be doing now that I'm all grown up and maybe I'll be closer to finding a place to live and pay my car off. I don't know, but just maybe something exciting will happen soon and I'll know what to do and where to go.